strugglin'

He’s feeding my body to his desire

Get in trace

With approaches

And being tied with one hand

Just means someone is strong enough to

Don’t let you go

Nowhere. Anywhere.

I scream, but moans are overrated

If I get less silently

Just means we got mated

Just brings

All your ghosts into this coffin.

It’s not smoke, neither mug

he lights, a flame in his hand

Sweat drips and falls right splashed

In sand

We’re around-

he smokes that flame

And tries to feel me

But we’re bumping in the same

Hard steps walk the floor

It’s not near, it’s not there

It’s not more

Then what you care

Being so tide

Ends up feeling good

Kidnaped in time

I ear the drums, I feel the pumps

-shiu, that’s my blood

Mine is riding up the volume

Milking my thighs

You need another lover

To fulfill the need

It’s rude but it’s floating away

And this space is not wide

Enough to limit them

Wouldn’t go anywhere

Anyhow

Since those strings are tide

And he’s point is to

Increase that shit

Until it gets hot like a hot tub

Hot like the sun

He wants us in trouble

But desire will only double

Sex it’s not an advantage

-I’m tired

-we’ll stay

breath, and sweat

Are eaten up away

He blows my head with a deep warmth

Envolves me

Devours me

I have to drag

Tied up

Cause I got a itch somewhere

And until he gets heater

Hot like the sun

Light decreases, it’s mid

Dark

Mad

Ness

I’m struggling to reach

He’s fighting to untie the strings

But his strong hands tied them good

In hell I’ll be read of enthusiasm

Let me dive in weakness because this is getting far

Untie or let me die

Drag some more

I rub my leg on the leg

And the chair it’s so turned on

wood melts

Exhausted by moves that roll too fast

You crawl to bite

And that’s your good behavior

In my cheek

I want to tie my hand

And lie

But it’s in the eye

I’m evil

And he won’t lie

It’s ride there by his side

Big and hard and sopping wet

Muscles in tension

But those ties won’t give in

his tongue is fighting

an honest fight

crying

screaming

I roar

To be untied

and

his desire

is

to die

exiguous

I never thought I would get this morose

until I listened to the piano

the notes hurt like iron

scraping

I will write better as I get to another song.

my room is filled with emptiness

little places,

over here and there,

will rest with this

eaten brain cells

and

sorrow.

you’re a louse, cut and straight

she said.

-I’m not a louse,

it’s all a matter of speech.

she poured some wine in a glass while she spoke

about

how the things I don’t know

should stay in this room

where I write alone

conjecturing.

this world is a cold act.

I don’t want to be here any longer,

I complained and she kissed me on the hand.

let’s not go

let’s stay here

and write

tell me some stories and

I will tell you my stories and

we will stay,

I said.

let’s not stay, she enquired.  

let’s go some place

where

speed is the ultimate reason

we’ll move slow

be the burned sensation of time

everything will be on fire.

I said: No,

let’s stay here

we know this place

it’s quite all right

it’s soundless and easy.

but

it’s not burning,

she said.

-Exactly, I answered, it’s not,

the world is a bad passage

last time I got out

I sat by the park and examined things

as they burned and Got lost

all together

and

when I tried to don’t remember

and to die

I closed my eyes

and blindly watched as

the world stroked alike.

her form was next to mine

her voice cutting the mustiness:

-You need to be

for a second

what burns in fire

what rushes in movement

and in decisions

this room is so noiseless

that you will not

presence the climax of living

and

if you don’t

everything else will have slipped away

afterwards

all the light in this town will be a shadowy dark

your sight, with blackness,

will not achieve

and then

there’s no point in viewing

you only live better if you smell and touch and taste

taste it’s the vital perception

let’s burn into fire

keep everything on the bottom of

recreation

irradiate your rhythm

let’s be out there!

but I said no, tiredly,

I was a louse

very less smart

I’m greedy, I said

I have my rhythm just for me and you.

and me, she said.

and you, I repeated.

some day, she said mellow,

you will burn holes in your eyes

and it will hurt when you try to see

and it will be too late to taste

you will be old and alone in this room

with your sight and your heart ill and no more guaranties.

I laughed.

aren’t you scared, she whimpered.

it’s already burning, I told her

it’s already late for me.

she understood

and took my hand

and kissed her

let’s not be rushed, she whispered

you can taste later.

but I wouldn’t taste,

she was right

I have burned holes in my eyes

and everything has burned with it

so I tried

at that moment

and stayed

because after all

to burn is not to die

it’s to be alive

and to get even more alive

I haven’t complained,

I stayed

and let it happen naturally with me

she stayed too, she always did

You know,

Best lovers, Love

Best killers, Kill

Best arsonists, Light fires

Best liars

Lie.

Best losers, are failing

and you

what do you do best

raw

I’m accepting things

As they come and go

how I would say

This is hardly enough to prove something is worth something

I get very used to lose

Being in someone arms

Not knowing if to squeeze

Or if better to let it go

This is a question

And an answer

Maybe a mouth filled with warmth

And hands all wet from spit

I spit in you and you spit me back

That’s how we love

And I sit past the coffee tables

Wondering where it all went

And fall

Not apart

But in parts

l lied down naked and watched shifts coming and going

on the shallow of furniture

it’s all raw

there’s no point in hiding

because riddles fall apart

and it seems almost as if

everything that is forgotten ends up being remembered

and to remember is to die

I’m not here tonight

Cause I’ve been feeling

I’m now what my mind resumes into a body

What I don’t look

I don’t am

What I don’t say

I should not think

Or rather try not to

Because my unity is raw

sometimes quietly I let it look

And I let it think

And I get used to it so good

That becomes natural

I get your ideas

I love your voice

And your spit

And the shadows upon the ramparts

Being flicked

Burns living

Burns death

Burns waiting

And I am ill

Ill from rawness

The hot melted smell of

skin upon skin

This is

Take and go

Don’t catch me in

I’m not here tonight

Cause I’ve been feeling

Since I lied in bed

And since I saw what’s left

Not in me

But in those bulwarks

Words write a story

Shapes write something else

and

It’s all raw

And raw it’s not a mode

It’s who I am

I am

Raw.

I am.

Raw.

steaming appetite

Is it desire who doesn’t make you rest at night

that keeps you awake

Wobbling

Is it desire who consumes your body sluggishly

Who corrupts your peace

Is it desire who makes your body

Ask for something else than meat and bones

Insufficiently attached

Is it desire who turns you into a melancholic person

Is it desire who makes your body hope

And moan

Get ill

with fever

animal, sickness, fever

Is it desire who makes you believe

you’re in love

And in a certain way you are.

You have fallen, right in

Deep.

There’s no such thing like sorrows in desire

You only want, you don’t regret

Is it desire who makes you listen to classic music

Over and over

At nights, while someone’s waiting for you

But you’re not sure if you wanna go

Is it desire that drives you mad

That doesn’t rest

That is nostalgic because he feels and bumps inside

Like some cancer

Yes, desire can become cancer

Is it desire that turns every move into beautiful picture

Is it desire that makes me wanna speak

Let this go

Let you know

Is it desire that radiates vivacity

Brings up the dead ones

Dead men are running

To arrive in time, to don’t miss this

Is it desire who makes the calls

Dials the numbers

Whispers his name

Whispers her name

Destroys tissues, clothes

Makes you dream and wake up all in wetness

Is it desire that makes you groan at night

Alone in bed

Imagining

Always imagining

What a fool.

Is it desire that makes you lighter and gentler

Is it desire that makes you ask

Grieve

Is it desire that makes you blink your eyes

Whenever you start to feel

The running of the clock

Time that doesn’t come

Time that will not come

Is it desire that puts you that way

Wanting so profusely to feel a body

That body

Oh that body.

Don’t take anything. People are walking in that street and I can see them.

Desiring.

Or is it me

Desiring

It may not seem like desire

But this is

This is wanting

An urgency that becomes so perfect

So honest

So clear

Is it desire that puts you away

And coming back

And on the side of yourself

Is it desire who says the words

Who puts sensation in my speech

Who makes me sneak at night

Out of bed

Reaching and reaching

It is desire who makes me howl

Howling through night

Not you

Not love

Not you

It is desire

It is not love

It is desire speaking.

caress

He is an incredible man

And I always had delight

For incredible men

With beautiful long hands

He says I have beautiful long hands too

And they’re just growing

To get bigger like that

Having big hands means

You can grab the world

And put it into your mouth

You can grab emotions, people, spaces

Even moments

And stick them inside your mouth

So deep

So they will stick with you

For perpetuity

An incredible man with

beautiful long hands

that he uses for so much

in the quiet moments at night

He wedges my hair with pearls

He rubs my skin until its hot

He makes dreams precise

And moans into contentment

he grabs grief and he smash it

you need big hands to smash grief like that

the only thing he needs to make me pleased

are his hands

I told him to don’t put them away

To don’t shrink them

To make them bigger

I tried to explain

but some men don’t understand about hands 

do they

eternity

you ask me to don’t forget

where our bodies have gone

and why they’ve gone so far

a night in so many nights

where I don’t recognize you

body heated up with some other fever

and a smell that is no longer the same

be kind and comprehend

that I live with that distress

of misplacing things

so remote from where we stand

a trace that doesn’t trace much

and a smile that celebrates wrong things

I decline to drink

I own no longer those bottles

being dry

keeps me from failing

drops are falling down and I don’t know

how

I don’t know exactly where to

sow

the work that I made

in this mode

the exact mode I always work

where I keep my bottles closed

enough just to don’t fail

to don’t leave

because I love where I get drunk

and I write where I make love

you may not get this now

you’re young, I know

but

we will see

time is the only thing that subsists for people like me

lots and lots of time

I forgot the smell

and the features

all those lines and traces

they’ve been there so long

I disremembered

all of it

but time

won’t left

and I won’t forget time

it has remained here so long

I can’t evoke

I can’t reconstruct

it’s misplaced, it’s all blurry

there was no alternative

I couldn’t tell you

I can’t tell you

cause I know you will leak

I know you leak

you leak sometimes when I’m around

you leak every time I’m around

and no words in this world

are able to explain

why leaking is unnecessary

I won’t remember

so please, do not leak

I know you won’t

but just in case you forget too

don’t worry

we will remember some day