exiguous

I never thought I would get this morose

until I listened to the piano

the notes hurt like iron

scraping

I will write better as I get to another song.

my room is filled with emptiness

little places,

over here and there,

will rest with this

eaten brain cells

and

sorrow.

you’re a louse, cut and straight

she said.

-I’m not a louse,

it’s all a matter of speech.

she poured some wine in a glass while she spoke

about

how the things I don’t know

should stay in this room

where I write alone

conjecturing.

this world is a cold act.

I don’t want to be here any longer,

I complained and she kissed me on the hand.

let’s not go

let’s stay here

and write

tell me some stories and

I will tell you my stories and

we will stay,

I said.

let’s not stay, she enquired.  

let’s go some place

where

speed is the ultimate reason

we’ll move slow

be the burned sensation of time

everything will be on fire.

I said: No,

let’s stay here

we know this place

it’s quite all right

it’s soundless and easy.

but

it’s not burning,

she said.

-Exactly, I answered, it’s not,

the world is a bad passage

last time I got out

I sat by the park and examined things

as they burned and Got lost

all together

and

when I tried to don’t remember

and to die

I closed my eyes

and blindly watched as

the world stroked alike.

her form was next to mine

her voice cutting the mustiness:

-You need to be

for a second

what burns in fire

what rushes in movement

and in decisions

this room is so noiseless

that you will not

presence the climax of living

and

if you don’t

everything else will have slipped away

afterwards

all the light in this town will be a shadowy dark

your sight, with blackness,

will not achieve

and then

there’s no point in viewing

you only live better if you smell and touch and taste

taste it’s the vital perception

let’s burn into fire

keep everything on the bottom of

recreation

irradiate your rhythm

let’s be out there!

but I said no, tiredly,

I was a louse

very less smart

I’m greedy, I said

I have my rhythm just for me and you.

and me, she said.

and you, I repeated.

some day, she said mellow,

you will burn holes in your eyes

and it will hurt when you try to see

and it will be too late to taste

you will be old and alone in this room

with your sight and your heart ill and no more guaranties.

I laughed.

aren’t you scared, she whimpered.

it’s already burning, I told her

it’s already late for me.

she understood

and took my hand

and kissed her

let’s not be rushed, she whispered

you can taste later.

but I wouldn’t taste,

she was right

I have burned holes in my eyes

and everything has burned with it

so I tried

at that moment

and stayed

because after all

to burn is not to die

it’s to be alive

and to get even more alive

I haven’t complained,

I stayed

and let it happen naturally with me

she stayed too, she always did

You know,

Best lovers, Love

Best killers, Kill

Best arsonists, Light fires

Best liars

Lie.

Best losers, are failing

and you

what do you do best